Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Judge Much??!?
I saw this link to another blog on a friend's facebook. I am almost sorry I clicked the link http://inashoe.com/2009/09/open-letter-working-moms/ My blog was not made with the working mom or the stay-at-home mom thought. I actually hoped both types would be able to resonate with the squeeze of little time, little money, and little kids. But this letter made feel judged. Like I need to justify myself, and the life I have chose. But here is the hysterical part to me...Most of her suggestions on how a mom could afford to stay at home, I am already forced to do to make our budget goals every month (with the exception of the 13-year-old minivan...I just bought a 4-year-old one, and it was still more than I wanted to spend....but it was really important to my husband, so I caved) I would be one of these moms who would WANT to stay home with my kids, at least while there are young (before school). However, if I stayed home, we would have no health insurance (ok, we would apply for Medical Assistance), no retirement savings (making us dependent on Social Security which may or may not be there in the future), no life insurance (leaving the other spouse flat broke in the event of one of our deaths). I do not work to buy name brand clothes, a big house, or a new car. Oh, and the tidbit about sell your house so you can stay home with your kids...um, this was posted in 2009, the height of the recession. It was not a viable option then, nor is it now as we are $40,000 underwater in our 1500 square foot house in a neighborhood that is less desirable than we would prefer. I have great friends who are blessed to stay at home, but they don't judge my working as a flaw. It would be great if this blog could be judgement-free in regards to this topic because obviously, there is no easy answer to the question, "to work, or not to work".
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There really is one more thing to say, I really do love my work. I think it is incredibly important, and I think my students need me in a sense. If we struck it rich, I probably would still want to work (or volunteer) in some capacity (although I would probably go to part-time or less).
ReplyDeleteI have to say that I have been very blessed in my life. I was able to be a stay at home mom for a while after I had my daughter and then go to school. When I did start working, I was blessed to get the chance to work from home so I did not need full time daycare for my children. I then had my third child. When the recession hit and I was laid off, I had the fortunate ability to find employment in a position that still allowed me to still be home with my children. As my husbands job has changed over the last couple of years, we do not have the same income that we once had. I was fortunate enough that I am able to have a job that I love and also bring in a little bit of income into the home to help pay the bills.
ReplyDeleteI think that if someone is able to stay at home and they want to, that is their choice. Many of us have to work to keep our families fed and clothed. We should not be judged because we want to provide for our families. It would be great if every family made enough money to allow one of the parents to stay at home with the children, but that is just not the reality.
Years ago, like in the 50's, wages were high enough one parent could work, but that is just not how it is for most of the middle class now. I will admit it, I would be one to say to the SAHM "You are sooooooo blessed!" because I am envious. Of course I would rather be at home with my kids than at work!!!!Imagine the families making minimum wage. I don't even think two parents working for that could afford monthly expenses. I actually heard on the news that "affordable housing" is so overextended, minimum wage earners can't even afford to rent in many markets.
DeleteI was less than impressed with some of the recipes she had on her blog too. They didn't seemed to be well balanced (no veggies, no meat, etc.). I have been a SAHM because we couldn't afford for me to work. I am currently looking for a job now though since we now have an amazing sitter. She is affordable. I don't feel guilty leaving them with her since she has become their second mom. It would be so nice to have some extra money. I say that like there is ever extra money when you have kids!
ReplyDeleteI still haven't looked at anything else she wrote...It was nice to hear everyone's opinions to this on my facebook. The interesting thing was the working moms felt judged, and the SAHM thought it was just a commentary of sorts on SAHM are working very hard at home. I love working, I love being home with my kids, and it is just not an easy choice either way.....both moms make sacrifices regardless of their choice. Good Luck on finding a great job that lets you put the kids in first place!!!
ReplyDeleteAs I told you previously, I was very offended by the blogger and felt very attacked. As a teacher who makes terrible money, I am the breadwinner, as my husband is an unemployed veteran. I'd love to stay at home with my two toddlers and 7 week old baby, but I also have an obligation to provide for my family. When we had our first child, we looked at the possibility of me staying home as a military wife at the time, but it would have been almost impossible due to the expensive place we were stationed. Could we have done without? Yes, probably, but we also had expenses incured at the last moment when my husband was deployed when I was 27 weeks pregnant, with 24 hours notice. I had to take my maternity leave early (at 33 weeks) to travel 1500 miles "home" to have my baby near family, where I'd have help, while we still paid the $1700/month for rent, while our military housing laid empty for 3+ months until I returned. Not every family can have a SAHP(parent) because guess what: LIFE HAPPENS.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the response! Life happens when your busy making other plans....I am sure many a stay-at-home mom has been forced to leave the home to find work. And working moms have been laid off forcing staying at home on them. Flexibility will get you far, for sure! I repeat, do what you feel is best for your family, and realize others have individual freedom to choose what is best for their families. Of course, I would hope decisions are made with the mentality of what our family needs and not on what I want.
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